Life Better, When You Are Dead - Study Reveals.

In an extensive study of the quality of life among living people and dead people, dead people were found to be generally better off. The mundane day to day activities involved with being alive, such as working, paying bills, doing the washing up and cutting the grass, weren't applicable to dead people, who have much more free time to enjoy life.

Maria Cristalbottom, who died over 70 years ago, said she had never looked back, "Since dying, I've found life much more enjoyable. I'm no longer restricted by the constraints that living people have and can spend my time in way I want to, rather than how society dictates." However, she did reveal that there are pros and cons. In particular, the fact that she can't turn on the television, and can only watch it when living people are watching, she went on, "Some dead people can manipulate physical matter, and turn things on or move objects. This is quite rare and unfortunately I don't have that ability."

Judy Plancbottom, a pro-life campaigner, dismissed the study as ridiculous. She failed to reveal why, because she had to leave the interview early. Her employers phoned up asking why she wasn't at work, then a debt collector rang the doorbell, and just as she was answering her door, her washing machine blew up, sending a ball of fire out of her kitchen window, which then set alight to her shed, causing her lawn mower to explode.