Old Age Bad For Your Health, Says Government

The Government issued a new health warning today. After a five year study of the effects of old age, they found that getting old can cause a multitude of health problems, eventually leading to death. The study, costing £17 million, listed a whole series of illnesses, including heart attacks, senile dementia, parkinsons disease and strokes. All the patients involved in the study have now died.

Dr. Guntherbottom, who headed the study, warned that people should think carefully before considering old age, avoiding it if possible. He stated, "people aren't aware of the dangers involved with old age, and this study shows a clear link between old age and serious health problems. We're hoping that now we have scientific evidence of this link, the Government will begin a high profile campaign to make sure the general population know the consequences of old age.

Dr. Guntherbottom will be beginning a new study next year, looking into the effects of hitting yourself over the head with a hammer for prolonged periods of time.